Tubs the Cat, Companion of the Immortals, Denizon of the Underworld, Basker under a Thousand Suns, was interrupted in the act of licking his nether regions by a jangle of chimes as the shop door opened. One ginger leg in the air, he looked up and sniffed. A new customer. Nothing interesting about her. He went back to his grooming. Tubs knew interesting when he smelled it. Tamika, his human slave, told fortunes all day while he looked on. So much banality, so much tedium, so much repetition. Whatever nonsense Tamika told them, Tubs knew the truth just by wrinkling his nose. The humans would mate, reproduce and die. End of story. Tubs splayed out a paw and chewed at the itchy webbing, absorbed completely in his task. He quite liked this body. True it was a little tubby, but the fur was soft and it could run fast. His other two bodies were not quite as comfortable. The old, arthritic one, he spent very little time in, waking it mainly to eat and groom. The younger black and white one was springy and nimble but stuck permanently indoors, or in a caged outdoor area that enabled other cats to observe his captivity. He woke that one up most mornings around breakfast time but gave it a rest in the afternoons, when he preferred to wake this one and stroll along the rooftops then drop in on Tamika at work. Tamika had a good range of kibble.
The door chimes jangled again in the middle of ear grooming. Lick, up, over, lick, up over. He had got into a great rhythm when the atmosphere changed, causing him to freeze with one paw on his head. What was that? A different scent. Tubs righted himself in a hurry and flowed quickly and smoothly down to Tamika’s chair, winding himself in and out of the legs while he chased for the right air particle. That one. That was it. He inhaled luxuriously. Interesting. The customer was interesting! Finally. Tubs sat alert under the chair, front paws together, ears pointed. The customer was a female with pale, white, legs and rich-smelling shoes that had been to many outdoor places. Each item of her clothing smelled different but underneath she was umami, like mushrooms or fish, and a little salty. Tubs longed to lick her. The humans spoke for a while. Blah blah blah blah. Tubs had not bothered with human speech since the glory days of the pharaohs. He listened instead to the vibrations of the voice, the movements of the body, and the scent behind the words. This human was powerful but her power was blocked somehow. Tubs edged closer. She thought she was weak? Something to do with mating. A rejection? But she was so powerful; Tubs could feel it buzzing like a fly in a jar. Mating should not bother her. She was alpha. The human kept talking in a high breathy voice, her body language deferential. Why didn’t she release her strength? The effort of holding it in was making her weak. Tubs concentrated his mind and sent messages to her but she didn’t hear them. It was no surprise; this breed of human was very basic. She needed to be shown, physically. She needed to fight.
Tubs held himself aloof from the human servants as a rule, but he was nothing if not gracious and sometimes, just sometimes, he deigned to help them in their plight. This would be the customer’s lucky day. Tubs gathered himself, took a deep breath, waved his bottom back and forth for a moment and SPRANG. Onto the customer’s leg, all claws out. The customer shrieked and leaped up. It was ON! They fought, they fought most gloriously. Tooth and claw and yowling and batting hands. Tamika fought too, with much shouting. Then, finally, Tubs felt the customer’s power, with a great roar, burst free. He had freed her. His work here was done. He dropped to the floor and positioned himself, head and tail erect, to graciously receive his praise. Not since his time as Aggie’s witch’s cat 400 years ago had he done such a good clean job. He still had what it took.
Imagine Tubs’ surprise, then, when he was picked up rudely around the middle and unceremoniously thrown out of the door, jangles going crazy as it slammed behind him. He was stunned for the smallest of moments and then infuriated. To be disrespected by such fools. He ran directly to his sleeping place, put the ginger body to sleep and woke his old arthritic body a couple of suburbs away. He would spend the afternoon aching by a warm fire, stroked by a servant who appreciated him. Tonight, he’d take his ginger body somewhere else for kibble. Tamika did not deserve him.